Pack your bags; It’s time to go

Pack your bags; It’s time to go

Welp they made it. They really made it this far. Did the journey suck? Absolutely, I’m sure they’ve never gone through so much stress and sadness in their life and this is, sadly, only the beginning of me getting ready to explore adulthood.

The journey was absolute garbo. On the other hand, looking at them now as compared to them in ninth grade, they learned a lot with their experiences at Parkdale. They learned, and am still learning, more about themselves and their identity. So let me introduce myself.

I’m Astrid Wilson. I am 17, go by she/they pronouns, and I am days ways from walking across the stage to get my diploma. Jeez.. I don’t know how to continue from that. How about I just get right into how my high school experience was after I talk about what it was like leaving eighth grade.

Before going into high school, I was bullied and very insecure about almost everything, so I was definitely scared to go into a new school. Looks weren’t as much of big thing but at the same time, if you had a feature on you that looked “off” or “not normal” to someone, they are going to target you for that thing. It also kind of depends on who you are and how well-known you were but being me with a giant scar on my face that looks like bacteria, that was the butt of many jokes.

Honestly, the scar jokes weren’t really affecting me as much since I basically heard the same thing over and over again. People tried to be original with the jokes but they failed. Knowing all this, I was still worried about getting bullied again or worse. I didn’t want to hear anyone else mention my insecurities, being how self conscious and already broken I was. 

This is kind of where everything changed. The first couple days of ninth grade were fine. You’re starting to get a feel of the class and schedule, you don’t really raise your hand to answer questions ‘cuz you don’t want to look dumb, the usual stuff with going into a new school. Now.. I’m going to say this as simple as possible: I was a pain in the butt for most, if not, all of my teachers. Yup! I bullied basically all of my teachers, each year, nonstop! No Hamilton. I love joking around with the teachers, am definitely not a teachers pet, but I had fun making of all my teachers. Sadly, when good things happen, bad things come right behind them.

**TW: mentions of suicide**

With in-school stress and at-home issues, things took a turn for the worst. I felt so alone and it really raised my anxiety and depression to a whole different level. The work was starting to be too much for me, even the easiest assignments. I stopped trying and all I wanted to do was lie in bed and do nothing. I will be honest and say lack of motivation was really hitting me hard and the thought of suicide did come up a lot. Shoot, I’m still struggling to stay motivated and get up in the morning. The only thing I can say is I’m still here. I honestly thought I wouldn’t make it to 18 but on July 11th of this year, I’ll reach the year I never thought I would survive to see. 

There are definitely ups and downs to this school like the nasty bathrooms, the uncooked food, and some teachers aren’t as nice sometimes but there’s also a couple pros I can think of.

I became more straightforward and stopped letting people walk all over me. I knew how to find or talk to the right people, I was able to get a grasp of what life is like outside of school– stuff younger me wouldn’t be able to do. I wish I could’ve told younger me what to look out for but I’m kind of glad I experienced certain things as I got older and more mature. I wonder what my next adventure will be and there’s only one way to find out what happens next.

Wish me luck. 🙂