Have you ever just walked with your boyfriend or girlfriend and you drop something, then a kind person picks it up and gives it to you? But because they smiled when they did, now it’s the end of the world because they were “totally flirting with you” according to your partner. That is what some people may call a total red flag. Jealousy is an illness and should be a red flag to you. 

Several doctors have defined jealousy as a mental disorder that tends to come from a person’s low self esteem or lack of confidence. Having a jealous partner is not the next trendy thing, it’s a toxic red flag that you should watch out for. Teens today begin to experiment and learn what relationships should feel and look like. Hint, an overly jealous partner is not what it should look like.  

According to “12 Red Flags Reveal Your Partner Struggles With Toxic Jealousy,” there are several points so you can see what a toxic relationship is like when it comes to jealousy. First, if your partner uses derogatory language towards you or your gender overall then that might be a sign. Along with monitoring your social media, wanting to know your location at all times, and controlling your wardrobe, then that is definitely a red jealousy flag. If your partner is very opinionated on your actions, argues a lot, and avoids your friends and family or even denies your friendship with others, then your partner is in fact a toxic jealous partner. 

“One of the most important things I think goes into feeling jealous is it often happens when we’re holding back ourselves.” said Dr. Lisa Firestone in this article. 

Her advice on ending jealousy is to be our best selves with our partner. If you and your partner are not communicating then the conversation needs to start. At young ages all emotions are hard to manage, so if you catch yourself in several toxic relationships then maybe relationships aren’t for you just yet.

Although dating and being in a relationship is not a bad thing when you’re a teenager there are always things to look out for. Every one in three teens is or will be in an abusive relationship. That is one harsh statistic, knowing a third of teens are or will be in a toxic relationship. 

According to Teenage Dating Violence Statistics, “roughly 1.5 million U.S. high school boys  and girls admit to being hit or physically harmed in the last year by someone they are romantically involved with” and, “33 percent of adolescents in America are victims of sexual, physical, verbal, or emotional dating abuse.”

In ‘Teens Dealing With Jealous Boyfriends’, Elischia Fludd said “Healthy relationships include — but are not limited to — a belief in nonviolent resolution, the ability to manage jealous emotions, have trust and a shared commitment that each partner has the autonomy to make decisions.”

Yeardley Love was a young girl who went to the University of Virginia. She was beaten to death by her boyfriend three weeks before she graduated college. Her mom started the One Love Foundation to help people spread awareness of relationship violence. Like her many teenagers and young adults enter relationships and go through the worst of possible cases because they pushed off the signs, the first step is always jealousy in most cases.

A jealous person can become a violent and aggressive person. One thing can lead to another when you ignore the red flags. Jealousy is toxic and a red flag in any relationship. If you need help you can contact The National Domestic Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233). Remember to never lose yourself or be afraid to speak up.